When the People We Love Become Our God
We don’t usually recognize it when it happens. It starts as love—real love—the kind God calls good. The kind of love that makes us sacrifice, lean in, show up. Whether it’s our spouse, our child, our boyfriend or girlfriend, or even a close friend or parent—we give them our time, our thoughts, our attention, and rightly so.
But at some point, the scale tips. Love becomes something heavier. Something more desperate. Something… central. Something, perhaps sinful.
Maybe you’ve felt it. That low-level anxiety when they pull away. The joy or sadness of your entire day hinging on how they responded to you. The way you shape-shift to avoid upsetting them or bend your values to keep the peace. Or maybe because of your own insecurity—you control them. You influence them through guilt or shame to stay where you are, pay attention to you, and not be able to detach from you because of how doing so might make you feel. Or maybe you’ve caught yourself pulling away from God—prayer slipping, Bible gathering dust—not out of rebellion, but because you’ve been so focused on someone else.
All of that is something we don’t like to name. But we have to: It’s idolatry.
Not in the old-school, golden calf or Asherah pole kind of way, but in the subtle, socially acceptable, “I just really love them…and need them…and want them…and want them to want me” kind of way.
The truth is, no one sets out to make an idol. It takes shape over time more slowly than we could even detect. When someone becomes the center of your world—when their happiness—or yours, their approval, and especially their presence determine your peace—you’ve crossed a line. That’s not devotion. That’s dependence. And that’s not the healthy, interdependent kind. It’s co-dependence dressed up as care. It’s selfishness. It’s control, possibly manipulation. It’s idolatry.
God was never vague about this. He said, “Do not have other gods besides me.” Exodus 20:3
Not just statues. Not just false religions. Not just a human made image of some deity. No! An idol is anything—or anyone—that takes God’s place.
Jesus had something to say about this too.
“The one who loves a son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37
It’s not because he wants less for us. It’s because he knows we’ll break under the weight of loving people in the wrong order.
You know what? People make terrible gods. Even the best ones.
They can’t sustain your identity. They can’t carry your soul. And they definitely can’t heal the ache inside of you at your core. They weren’t built to or intended to. When they are positioned to do that, people break. And if you keep trying to draw life from someone who isn’t the source, you’ll both end up exhausted.
There’s a better way. A freer way.
Let God be your anchor. Center your soul on the only one who can handle it and who knows you better than anyone else ever will because he made you. Let him hold your heart so firmly that you can love others freely—without control, fear, or desperation. When you’re rooted in him, love becomes generous, not clingy. Peace becomes steady, not circumstantial.
“God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1
So maybe today’s the day to take a step back and ask:
Have I placed someone on a throne they were never meant to sit on?
Have I confused affection with worship?
Have I been depending on a person in ways I should be depending on God?
No shame. Just honesty. Because God doesn’t share the throne—and for good reason. When he’s first, everything else finds its right place. Today you could choose to give him his seat back.
Here’s The Test:
If God asked you to let go of that person—emotionally, relationally, or even physically—could you do it without resentment, resistance, or losing your sense of identity?
If your honest answer is “no”, or even “maybe”, that’s a good indicator they’ve taken a seat in your soul that only God was meant to fill.
“Those who know your name trust in you because you have not abandoned those who seek you, Lord.” Psalm 9:10 CSB
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5–6 CSB
“He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:6 CSB
Prayer: Father I’ve placed people in a role only you were meant to fill. Forgive me. Teach me how to love others deeply without losing sight of you. Be my center. Be my anchor. Be my everything. In Jesus name Amen.
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